Craig Frank was born in 1853 in a log cabin in Anchorage, Alaska. His family was in the whaling business, but Craig had his eyes set on Hollywood.
At the tender age of 5, Craig left his family behind and moved to Los Angeles with his wife and three sons to pursue his dream. However, film had not yet been invented, so he decided to build jetpacks instead. But the world was not ready for jetpacks, and Craig was financially ruined.
Devastated, Craig popped a couple of Ambien and knocked back a bottle of something his friend “Sideways Ernie” made at home in the bathtub. Over a century later, he woke up in an apartment in Glendale with the Tivo paused on an episode of Sex and the City. He decided to grow a beard. The end.
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